overwhelmed....

While the holidays have come and gone (for the most part) the overwhelming feeling that is associated with them has not followed suit. Unfortunately I feel as if I am buried up to my neck. That doesn't mean I don't welcome it. You see, on the 16th we added a baby girl to our family. We will call her nails as her brother has the moniker of hammer. We have also had ridiculous amounts of snow and horribly cold weather that have left us no place to go (for the most part) but the four walls of our home. This can make things aggravating, tense, cozy, and funny at times. It is hard because everyone is tired here and Mrs Hammer and I are both a bit edgy. This is all to be expected. All this has delayed my writing as I pondered what was really readable and what I was really feeling. As for the holidays it was great watching hammer open gifts, even funnier watching him play with his toys, and sweet being home with wife, hammer and nails to really be able to celebrate our family. The stresses come with travel from place to place, my schedule not always allowing me to be home on the holidays themselves, my mother who doesn't express her feelings all that well(yeah, its hereditary.) The most difficult part of the holidays I found this year, is not letting the stresses outweigh the happiness. Nothing will ever be able to do that, and I know this!!! So why the hell is it so hard for me to put that into practice? Why do I let myself and mood be altered by things outside my control? Why do I think that people see my gifts as inferior if they don't cost a certain amount? I think partly because I am crazy!! No offense to those that think that is an insult...if you think it is an insult it is because you are really really fucking crazy....anyways..I just wanted to let you know that I am still here, and consider myself a holiday survivor and also wanted to let you know that, while exhausting, the holidays this year were my best ever. I couldn't have been luckier, or more humbled with all the love and support that I have received from family and friends...most importantly...from my wife...now I know that she thinks sometimes I write here for my audience...I can honestly say that these words to follow are the first time I have written here for someone. To my wife...you have strength, tenderness and love that I cannot measure. You inspire me with your determination!!! You make me melt every time I lay eyes on you (now more than ever!!)..you stand by me when I screw up....you pick me up and won't let me quit...you are a mother to be modeled after!!! You inspire me!!! These gifts I know that I can't pay back....The only gift I truly have that is mine to offer is my heart!!! I love you...