exposed...

Well it seems there are a few people with no lives that have found this blog interesting to read. To you few, I raise a glass...CHEERS..I guess the reason that I don't write as much as I should is because I am always waiting for something super insightful or something that is worth reading. After sitting here, though, it dawned on me that sometimes what is worth reading may not be what I need to be writing. I need to write for me, which is what I have done in previous posts and what I will continue to do. Anyways, one thing that has been on my mind is the truth. The difficulty I have with the truth is not wanting to disappoint. I think that there have been times where I haven't lied, yet may not have told the whole truth so as not to disappoint others. This is something that, after thinking about, helped me realize why sometimes it is hard for me to reflect. This honesty is the most humbling of all when we are completely true to ourselves. I have great family, I mean great great family, so supportive, loving, forgiving, understanding, and most importantly honest. Yet at times I am not this fair in return. It saddens me to think about this. My friends are the same way. 95% of the time I give exactly who I am to my friends and family. I am striving for perfection. Sometimes not being comfortable in my own skin is what drives me to do thing things I shouldn't be doing and winds up making up that 5%. I know, I know, when evaluating choices, if it is something that I wouldn't want everyone to know about then I shouldn't do it. Easier said than done. I need to keep working on reprogramming my mind. I have to get through my thick skull that I am who I am and that all that I am, I am popeye the sailor man. Truly, I don't need to be anyone else. I don't have to keep up with anyone else. I want nobody other than my wife. She is the best!!! That's where I find it hardest with the honesty sometimes...Just that I feel like I have disappointed here too many times and will never be able to be at ease with how I have made her feel. The reason I beat myself up so much about this is because she has never done anything to make me feel like I cannot be who I am around her. Not looking for a pity party, just venting. Just have to keep at it. I know in one of my earlier posts I talked about being funny. Really funny shit here huh...such a downer....this is worse than a country song...funny things that have gone on lately...I will pose it as a question...do you think it is wrong to cook for four other men in a kitchen wearing just flip flops and a robe??? ps the kitchen is at work, not at home...makes me laugh everytime I think of the story...I will try to write more...try to be a bit more off the cuff and less premeditated...but I am sort of OCD like that...adios....